I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
