She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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