He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
