Fine. I'll sleep in my office
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
