Need sex. Gaining weight.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
