38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
