I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
