I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
