How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
