this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
