'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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