i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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