I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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