I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your penis caused this!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
