and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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