a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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