You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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