Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

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(813): View more from Florida

We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.

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(253): View more from Washington

How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?

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(213): View more from California

His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time

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(623): View more from Arizona

I'd still fuck that

(602): View more from Arizona

You'd fuck a dead moose

(623): View more from Arizona

Quite possible

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(602): View more from Arizona

Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it

(661): View more from California

I know! I’m the best!

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