he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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