Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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