the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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