Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
