Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
