Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
