what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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