Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
