Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
