The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
