We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
