I wanna bring you to show and tell
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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