Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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