Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize