can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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