well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Panties = found
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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