Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
