This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
