obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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