Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
