Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
