Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think your dad took our porno
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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