Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
