Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
