Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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