You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
