Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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