Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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