Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
