omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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