I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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