You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
