When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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