I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
