i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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