4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
