If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
