my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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