Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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