you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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