We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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