You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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