did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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