and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
