its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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