East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
