I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
