You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
