Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
